Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate
Roger Fisher, Daniel Shapiro
“Written in the same remarkable vein as Getting to Yes, this book is a masterpiece.” —Dr. Steven R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• Winner of the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution •
In Getting to Yes, renowned educator and negotiator Roger Fisher presented a universally applicable method for effectively negotiating personal and professional disputes. Building on his work as director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Fisher now teams with Harvard psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts. In Beyond Reason, Fisher and Shapiro show readers how to use emotions to turn a disagreement-big or small, professional or personal-into an opportunity for mutual gain.
tension. Once John arrives, she is able to clearly express her concerns. Instead of saying, “You irresponsible parent! You didn’t get the kids to my house by the agreed upon deadline,” she says, “I feel upset. I understood that we had agreed upon the time to drop off the kids. Was I mistaken? I came home early from a meeting to make sure I was here.” After listening to him, she decides to learn more, asking, “How do you see the situation? Do you have ideas on how we might reduce the risk of
the meeting. Breathe deeply. Focus on your feet. Curl your toes and feel the tension. Hold it for a second and then relax. Working your way up, tighten each of your muscles as you would clench your fist and then relax, letting the tension disappear. Concentrate on tightening and relaxing every muscle from the back of your calves to your shoulders. When you have finished, put your chin down and roll your head slowly to the right until your ear is above your shoulder and hold for a second or two.
third. Affiliation: Find Some Common Ground A major task was to change the widespread perception of the bad relationship between the two countries. This task was faced by President Fujimori and myself, as well as by our staff and officials, the media, and the public at large. For years, each country had regarded the other as an enemy. President Fujimori and I agreed that a goal should be to have the public in each country come to see that we were working together, side by side, toward the
Ecuador should say and do what I’m saying and doing. (Asking for his reciprocal affiliation.) Now, in our role as presidents, we can undertake our new mission, which is to find a formula acceptable for the peoples in both countries.” (I was searching for an additional common ground of affiliation in fairness and justice.) This dialogue had the noticeable effect of committing us both to a joint problem-solving approach. Our predominantly rational, carefully prepared, goal-oriented initial steps
Summary 5 Respect Autonomy Expand Yours (and Don’t Impinge upon Theirs) Obstacles to using autonomy wisely We unduly limit our own autonomy We impinge upon their autonomy Expand your autonomy Make a recommendation Invent options before deciding Conduct joint brainstorming Caveat: A great deal of autonomy can be overwhelming Don’t impinge upon their autonomy 8 2 Always consult before deciding Invite input from “invisible” stakeholders Consulting with stakeholders.